How Debbie is facing the dilemmas of working in your sixties

I met Debbie (61) through a workshop run by an organisation called Brave Starts, which helps mid to later life professionals figure out what’s next. Like me, she had had a successful career which had already taken a turn before Covid and then was upended by it. I think what she says about the challenges she is facing trying to re-establish a working life and what she wants that to look like, will resonate in a powerful and thought-provoking way.

Having been employed for years, I set up a business with my husband about 15 years ago that was very successful. He’s a Microsoft engineer, so he’s very technical, and I come from a sales and marketing background. We brought those skills together to build up a fashion and footwear business. Very fortunately we got the chance to sell it and for the first time I took a break. We travelled a bit, and spent time together. All of which was lovely, but at the back of my mind was always the thought that I’d start working again some time soon. 

Then Covid came along and although that first spring was beautiful and we used the opportunity to do loads of exercise, gardening, jobs around the house and generally sharing that quiet period, it did put me into a career slumber, so work-wise the two years of the pandemic got a bit wasted.

Now I’m finding the idea of starting working again when I haven’t set an alarm clock for three years, when I haven’t talked any business sense for three years and I when haven’t had to think in a strategic way for three years, surprisingly tough. Add to that the thought that I want to do something really different, and it’s all proving much more challenging than I realised it would. 

There are terrific positives about reaching this stage in life - having good health, being grateful for what you have, and recognising everything you’ve achieved and the determination and resilience it’s taken to get to where you are.

I got my first job at the age of 22. The role I had applied for, was based in Norwich where I lived, and when the letter came offering me the job, the first paragraph said “We’re not offering you the job, but we would like to offer you a position in West London”. I said to my father, “well I’m clearly not taking that.” And he said “You’re an idiot if you don’t take it. You can come home any time, but you have to take this job”. We had quite a wrangle about it! Between accepting the job and leaving for London, I hoped for a miracle most days, that something would happen that would mean I wouldn’t have to go. But of course I did, and it turned out to be the start of a wonderful life and career.

So you’ve got to acknowledge and be grateful for the strength of character you’ve developed and built over the years and how much that, and all the people around you who have supported you in your endeavours, have contributed to the life you’ve had.

What I’m trying to do now is make myself tap into that well of strength and although looking to the future can feel tough, and whilst I’m still half hoping for a miracle to present itself, I know that strength is there. 

 I did a course last year with Birmingham University about positive ageing and interventions that can be applied to positive ageing. It was really interesting, and even though I found it hard because it was all on-line and I’d scribble notes and wake up at 4 in the morning thinking “I can’t remember one thing that I wrote down!” I did finish it, which made me feel really elated and positive. Now I’m trying to figure out how I can turn it into a business or enterprise.

I look around me and I’m convinced that there is a market amongst people our age who want to make however long they’ve got left a positive time. I really believe that. And I also believe we are in the fortunate position that we have choices that weren’t open to generations before us. 

It’s all about choices…

I had a really interesting conversation recently with a good friend’s daughter, who’s in her late 20s and about to get married. Her mum and I met in our first big job, 40 years ago this year, and we were the only women in the company who weren’t secretaries or cleaners. So we fought lots of battles for our careers. Her daughter said to me “I’m not going to live like you and mum. When I have kids, I’m going to be at home for them, to drop them off and pick them up from school. It’s not going to be about career for me.” To which I replied “Fair enough. But your mum and I gave you that choice. My mum and my grandmother didn’t have the choices you have or I had. My mum couldn’t have got a career job. And my grandmother couldn’t have got a job at all. You’ve got a choice”.

And I feel that’s where people in their sixties are now. We have choices we can make. It’s just how to reach them that’s the challenging part.

Through Covid we all learned to be content with a smaller, slower life and it’s useful to know that you can do that. So many people I’ve spoken to though, regardless of their age, have said they’ve found it challenging springing out of that and re-establishing a bigger, busier life again.

…and changes

The pandemic forced a huge change on us all and I believe one of the truisms about successful ageing is recognising that we’re never going to be done with change. Because life is always going to chuck change at us. Nothing stays constant for long. 

This is just another time of change. And although with that change comes uncertainty and an anxiety about which way to manoeuvre, I think one of most powerful things we can do is to make connections and have conversations with as many people as possible. Because you never know where those connections and conversations might lead. 

And to keep remembering and tapping into the strength you’ve amassed from the life you’ve lived.