Navigating differences of opinion - 9 strategies to build bridges not walls
It seems the world is an especially, and all too often virulently, divisive place at the moment. And whilst I never discuss current or political events on Heydays, what I write is at times necessarily influenced by what is going on in the wider world. This is one of those times.
With so many different views being so publicly expressed, whether in person, on screen or on-line, and so often with angry and apparently malicious intent, it can feel difficult at best, frightening at worse, to hold and share opinions that either clash with, or at the very least differ from, those of others, whether they’re people you know, people you encounter, writers, presenters or individual’s social media accounts.
In calmer times, and in more measured situations, we know that differences of opinion are not only to be expected, but that if they are coolly and sensitively managed, have the potential to foster healthier relationships, more effective communication and ideally greater mutual understanding.
Of course, achieving all that depends on the way you approach interactions and conversations around differences of opinion. As someone who is naturally emotional I can’t say I’ve always managed to stay as calm, open-minded and patient as I know I should be when it comes to engaging with someone whose opinions differ from mine.
But I am always trying to be more consistently focused on following these best-ways-to-manage-differences-of-opinion strategies. And especially at the moment.
Strategy one - listen with empathy
Listening not just actively but empathetically is one of the key ways to managing differences in opinion (one of the best pieces of advice I was given by an early and hugely important mentor in my career was: ‘If you’re talking, you’re not listening’) . Properly listening to someone’s point of view not only shows them respect, but also gives you the opportunity to try and get a better understanding of their perspective. It’s so often the first step towards finding some sort of common ground.
Strategy two - keep an open mind
Being willing to consider alternative viewpoints and challenge your own assumptions isn’t easy, but it is crucial to dealing with opinion differences. It’s OK to have strong beliefs, but staying open to new information and ideas not only fosters better understanding, it also makes for more effective and considerate interactions.
Strategy three - choose your battles
Parenting has definitely honed my ability to do this one more consistently! Not every difference in opinion needs to be confronted. Before wading in, it’s worth asking yourself if the issue is worth any potential knock-on tension in a relationship or encounter. Sometimes you can agree to disagree (see 9 below) without the need for a discussion. Sometimes you can’t.
Strategy four - respect boundaries
Everyone has boundaries when it comes to discussing certain topics - you included. It’s important to respect those boundaries and not push someone into a conversation they’re uncomfortable with. And visa versa. If you don’t want to discuss something, don’t.
Strategy 5 - avoid personal attacks
When you’re talking about a particular difference in opinion, stay focused on the issue at hand and don’t attack the person you disagree with. Name-calling, insults or belittling remarks will only inflame the situation and lead to conflict. Stick to addressing the ideas, and the facts rather than making it personal.
Strategy 6 - Use “I” statements
However, it is more than helpful to make it personal when you’re expressing your opinion. Using “I” statements, ie: “I feel that…” or “in my experience….” rather than making sweeping ones, makes it clearer that you’re saying something from your own perspective, not appearing to be judgemental by seeming to state some kind of universal truth.
Strategy 7 - look for common ground
Whilst it’s certainly the case that there are times when differences in opinions can be enormous, it’s also frequently true that there is some area of common ground, however small, that can be found. Finding and focusing on that - maybe it’s a shared value or goal - can help to bridge the opinion difference gap.
Strategy 8 - practice patience
Lordy but this one is hard! Recognising that change doesn’t usually happen overnight, or as the result of one conversation - however empathetically and respectfully had - is as important as having those open-minded exchanges. Sometimes it takes time for people - you included - to rethink or reconsider their views or for a compromise to be reached.
Strategy 9 - agree to disagree
There will be times when it’s simply not possible for you and another person to see eye to eye. When that happens, and when it’s something you feel able to do and comfortable with, agreeing to disagree is a perfectly acceptable way to acknowledge your differences whilst maintaining a respectful relationship. And if you don’t feel that’s possible, you’ll know you tried your best to reach some kind of understanding even though you’ve been unable to.
There’s one final thing that I would call out for above all else, particularly right now. And not just when it comes to airing your differences of opinion. It’s this simple but universal, and profoundly necessary, appeal - ‘In a world where you can be anything, be kind’.
Please.
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