This blog is prompted by an account I follow on Instagram. The acountee(?) had posted a picture of of his beautifully laid and decorated Christmas table, and an American follower had commented, asking what the “decorated tube” was alongside the place setting.

It never occurred to me that crackers weren’t as integral part of the Christmas tablescape (a sadly overlooked contender for word of the year) everywhere in the world as they always have been to our family celebrations. Apparently not.

Having prompted me to consider my Christmas cracker plans for this year, I thought it might be useful/helpful/interesting (delete as appropriate. Or alternatively replace with: nice to know, but, yea, I won’t be doing that) to share how I went about making my crackers more personal, economical and eco friendly last year, and plan to do again this year. By making them myself.

I know, I know. It sounds faffy, but honestly it isn’t. And the satisfaction of having saved money, of making the gifts inside properly fun and/or useful, rather than something that everyone almost immediately discards, and using recyclable materials for almost every element (and reusable for as much as possible that isn’t) more than makes up for the - again, really not all that much - time it takes to do.

How to make the crackers

What you need to make your own crackers. (Sourced image. You can cut the diamond shapes out of the paper to make the end-tying neater, but I a) can’t be bothered and b) don’t think its necessary)

All you need are either a long cardboard tube cut into three, or the cardboard insides of three toilet rolls (I start saving them a few weeks before), some paper to wrap around them (the extra joy of self-made crackers is that you can match them to your Christmas scheme, see above), a cracker snap (the bit that makes them go bang when they’re pulled), whatever you want to put inside (lots of suggestions to follow) and some ribbon or string to tie the ends with.

Cut a piece of the paper long enough to wrap around the three tubes laid end-to-end with a slight gap between them (the reason will become clear in a moment). Leave it flat on the table with the tubes on top of it.

Thread the cracker snap through the tubes.

Then add whatever your chosen contents are to the centre tube - you’ll obviously have to move one of the end tubes out of the way to do this.

Replace the end tube and secure the paper around all three using tape or a glue dot in the middle of the centre tube.

Tie a length of ribbon or string- in a bow if you fancy - between the centre tube and one of the end ones. Then repeat at the other end.

Pull out the two end tubes and voila, you have a perfectly constructed cracker!

Now you can add any decoration on the outside of your masterpiece - I like personalising the contents where possible (even if that’s just making them different for men, women and children) so I’ll often do a nicely-written name tag as the decoration.

In need of a little decoration inspiration? Here you go

Cracker content suggestions

No cracker is complete without a corny joke. I also love to add to the festive fun by including a little challenge in each one too.

Here’s a selection of both:

What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?

A stick.

Why was the turkey in the pop group?

Because he was the only one with drumsticks

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Tinselitis

What do they sing at a snowman's birthday?

"Freeze a jolly good fellow..."

What did Santa do when he went speed dating?

He pulled a cracker.

What happens to elves when they are naughty?

Santa gives them the sack!

Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?

He had nobody to go with.

What do frogs wear on their feet?

Open toad sandals.

What athlete is warmest during winter?

A long jumper.

What happened to the man that stole an advent calendar?

He got 25 days.

What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet.

How is Drake like an elf?

He spends all his time wrapping.

Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star?

Beyon-sleigh!

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy.

Who delivers presents to pets?

Santa Paws

What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice caps.

Who is Santa’s favourite singer?

Elf-is Presley

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

Why can't Christmas trees knit?

Because they loose their needles.

Where does Santa go when he's sick?

The elf centre.

What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?

A mistle-toad.

What do you call a reindeer who can't see?

No-eye deer.

What was the snowman doing in the vegetable patch?

Picking his nose

What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?

A twerky.

Who delivers presents to sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws.

Did Rudolph go to school?

Nope! He was elf-taught.

How do snowmen get around?

They ride an icicle.

What's a parent's favourite Christmas carol?

Silent Night!

Why does Father Christmas have 3 gardens?

So he’s able to ho ho ho

What is Santa’s cat called?

Santa Claws

Who hides in the bakery at. Christmas?

A mince spy

What goes “oh, oh, oh”?

Santa walking backwards

What do Santa’s helpers learn at school?

The elf-albet

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

Claustrophobia

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?

A pineapple

What are the best. Christmas sweaters made from?

Fleece Navida

Challenges

Sing Jingle Bells as if you’re in an opera

Rap Ding Dong Merrily on High

Everybody floss

Do an impression of the person to the left of you

Tell everyone a funny story from when you were young

Tell everyone what the last lie you told was

Hum a well-known TV theme tune

Act the name of your favourite film

Hum your favourite Christmas song

Tell everybody something about yourself they don’t know

Rap We Wish You a Merry Christmas

Whistle a Christmas carol

Act the title of a book you love

Throw an imaginary ball to someone. They need to throw the ball to someone else. Keep throwing the ball around the table for 30 seconds .

Mime making an omelette

Face the person next you. Now imagine you are the reflection of them in a mirror and copy every move they make for 30 seconds

Complete this sentence “Never have I ever…”

And this one “Never would I ever….”

Mime wrapping a present

Tell everyone about your most embarrassing moment

Whistle a nursery rhyme

Everybody rub their stomachs and pat their heads

What was the last lie you told

Tell everyone a funny story from when you were young

Mime sewing on a button

Hum I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas

Cracker gift ideas

Cheap and useful or fun enough to keep beyond Christmas are my cracker gift guidelines. Here are some of the things I’ve included in mine in the past, with the links for where to find them.

Lottery ticket or scratch card

Wildflower seed balls (a few decanted into a paper wrapped parcel)

Mini ball-point pen or highlighter

Couple of Quality Street (other chocolates are available, but not nearly as Christmassy!)

Mini crunchy snack pack

Keyring torch

Lip balm

Mini racing toys like these pull back snails

Hope that’s given you some inspiration and ideas if you decide to give making your own crackers a go.